Have you thought about your destiny?
We all have the ability to determine our own destiny. However, what I’ve found is many of us don’t really take the time to decide what that destiny will be. We live day to day, moment by moment, and give little thought to our long-term plans.
Many people have vague goals. One of my favorite questions to ask people is, what are your goals for the next year or the next quarter? The most common answer I get is, well, I haven’t really thought about it much.
Step 1 for Determining Your Destiny: DECISIONS
Defining our destiny, therefore, starts with our decisions. Decision making can be overwhelming, so let’s break it down by considering your desired destiny just for this year. Consider if you want to end 2018 better than 2019. If you want to do that, think about the answers to the following questions:
- Have you decided what you will accomplish in 2019?
- Have you thought about how much money you will make?
- How many clients or customers you will have?
- Have you thought about how you want to spend your free time?
- What have you done to create your future?
Most of us live rather passively, going along with whatever comes our way. I’ll just see what happens is a common phrase. How often do you say that? How does this type of living really work out for you?
And yet, we can determine our destiny so much more easily than we give ourselves credit for. It all starts with making decisions about what we want and then determining how we are going to about getting it.
Step 2 for Determining Your Destiny: BELIEFS
Our beliefs about ourselves, our career, our relationships, our success, everything about ourselves, is an integral part of achieving success. These beliefs are often created when we are very young, before we are even aware of them. We heard things around our house and in our schools and those words sunk into our brain without us realizing it. These words can be both positive and negative.
Some people have grown up hearing positive words and phrases and are shown examples of how to achieve success. Examples of positive beliefs ingrained from our environment might include: You can do whatever you set your mind to. You’re smart. Success comes to those who work for it.
Others have grown up hearing negative things and have only ever experienced examples of failure. The phrases that may have been repeated in their environment include: You’ll never be able to accomplish that. You’re not smart enough. Money is hard to make. Marriage is hard.
We take in all of this information and incorporate these statements into our own belief system.
This is where the phrase “Our beliefs determine our destiny” comes into play.
The psycho-cybernetic loop or self-fulfilling prophecy.
The human operating system is a complex system. Sadly, we don’t often understand how it works. We don’t get handed a manual for our brain when we are born so we maneuver through life without fully understanding that although our beliefs have been ingrained in us, we can break free from them. Below is a brief description of the brain’s operating process:
The brain uses five primary drivers to operate. These drivers form a loop that starts with our beliefs. Our beliefs determine our thoughts. If we believe money is hard to make, we have thoughts that support that belief. I’ll never make enough money. I’ll never make enough to afford that.
Those thoughts cause feelings. Again, they can be positive or negative feelings. If you’re thinking that money is hard to make, you are likely to have despondent thoughts. You’ll feel more discouraged.
Our thoughts and feelings lead directly to our actions, reactions or NO actions. When we feel discouraged, we are less likely to take the action that would help us accomplish what we want. When we think we’ll never make enough money, we tend to think well, why even bother.
Then, when we don’t take the action that would help us succeed, we create the results that prove our beliefs! We think that money is hard to make. That leads us to think that we’ll never make money. That leads to feelings of despondency. That can lead to looking out the window instead of working on how to make more money. Or inaction – you don’t look around for a better paying job that you might like. Or reaction – why even bother applying for that promotion? That leads to making less money. We call this a psycho-cybernetic loop or a self-fulfilling prophecy and you are now caught up in it.
As a reminder, this loop can work to our advantage as well as our disadvantage. People that believe in their power to make money will end up making money. People that believe that relationships can be healthy and strong will tend to attract better mates and work harder to create a good relationship.
Step 3 for Determining Your Destiny: CHANGE
The good news is, thanks to a distinction created by David Bayer, beliefs are decisions.
We actually decided, without realizing it, to accept that early input as true. If we are caught up in a negative loop, we can now make new and more empowering decisions. Yes, it really is as simple as giving yourself permission to make a new decision.
So, to circle back to setting goals, understanding that we have underlying beliefs that are either working for or against us can help us set our goals with more awareness.
Perhaps you’re not setting goals because your underlying belief is that you won’t accomplish them so why bother!
You’ve probably heard the term limiting belief. This is where that limiting belief can really have a negative effect. You don’t even set goals because your underlying and limiting belief is that you won’t accomplish them anyway.
Getting to the bottom of that limiting belief is the best way to stop the cycle of your psycho-cybernetic loop. Remember that we get caught up in the 5 drivers: our beliefs lead to our thoughts, feelings, actions and then that creates a result that proves the belief.
We need to make new decisions that will start to create new loops with new results and the way we accomplish this is by taking one small step at a time to CHANGE the thoughts and beliefs by replacing them with small victories
You can start the need to change by setting concrete goals for your life. Right now is a perfect time to set goals for 2019. As you sit down to start creating those goals, pay close attention to your thoughts and change the negative ones as soon as they come into your mind with a positive one.
If you are serious and ready to define your destiny, then read further to find out my 7-part plan to accomplish your goals. This simple plan is your way out of living a passive life. It is your way of living the destiny you long for.
Accomplish Your Goals Beginning Today with my 7-Part Realize Your Destiny Goal Process
1 – Attend to your mindset.
As Viktor Frankl says “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Take the time to dig into that space to create a sound basis of self-confidence.
2 – Take the time to set the goals and put them in writing!
This is a critical step to success. Now that you know that your underlying beliefs may try to stop you from doing that, go ahead and set them anyway. You can set goals for any time period tomorrow, a week, a month, a quarter, a year, 3 year, 5 year. If you’ve never set goals before, you may want to start with a shorter time period.
3 – Create a plan.
This is essential. Again, if you’re not used to setting goals, this is a good reason to go with a shorter time period. Creating a concrete three-month game plan can help you feel more in control. Knowing and taking the actions steps needed with specific desired outcomes attached will lead to the results you want.
4 – Take action.
No plan works without the action to implement. The best laid plans have dissovled into good but unfulfilled intentions. Done is better than perfect! Mistakes become necessary learning experiences that help you grow and adapt.
5 – Create a support group.
No one makes it alone. We are as strong as the team we create around us. No one person can have all the resources and ideas needed for success.Finding and nurturing a strong support group will make all the difference when facing challenges.
6 – Have faith in yourself and your plan.
The negative loop that builds on our limiting beliefs and decisions can derail the best of plans. Your support group and team can help you. Faith is critical to pushing forward through trials and tribulations.
7 – Be persistent!
Yes, you may have to change the plan. Yes, you may have setbacks and challenges. This is where the clear goals, the well laid out plan, the support group and your own faith can carry you through.
While you are setting your goals, BELIEVE you can achieve them! It will make all the difference.
And remember, my job and MY goal as a coach and consultant, is to help you create those goals and take the action steps needed so that you fulfil the best destiny possible!